Here’s a shorter vision from a different angle.
Comedy Bang Bang Nativity Pageant | 12.05.12
….and now here’s Todd Glass singing the words Bing Bong for 4 minutes.
killer bob lives.
If you’re interested in seeing some of the super-awesome Cracked.com video people in a feature film, I have excellent news! For one night only, on January 9th, you can see Michael Swaim’s theatrical debut right here in Music City. (Actually, just outside it in Smyrna, but…
I hate people. I hate all people. It doesn’t matter what you look like or what you believe in, if you are a person I hate you. Now having said that I must admit I never understood racism or homophobia, I don’t understand how a person can judge another person based solely on one aspect of their life. We are all people. I want everyone to learn to love each other and accept each other and then to leave me alone because as I said earlier I hate all of you equally.
Words words words words, words words words. Words words words words. Words, words words words words; words words words words words. Words. Words words words words words words words. Words words words words. Words words words words: words, words, words. Words words words words. Words words words words words words words words words words words words words. Words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words. Words, words words words words words words. Words words words words, words words words words words words. Words…words words words words words words, words words words. Words words words words words words words words words words words words words.
by brett cantrell
There once was a monkey alone and afraid
He had but a jacket and a pair of shades
This monkey was lonely, though young and hip
He had no friends, no one to laugh with or quip
He wore his sunglasses always, even at night
To hide his tears from the moon’s shimmering light
He had the finest jacket and glasses money could buy
And yet he had no one to care if he lived or he died
This was truly the saddest monkey the world ever knew
But what was saddest was to why he was blue
For the answer to his pain was not known
So he set out on a dangerous journey from home
No more time he would waste sitting idly by
So off he went faster than the fastest fly
His hopes and his dreams he wore on his sleeve
To one day have friends who liked him for free
Though sadly wherever he went he was met with a frown
For no one and I mean no one wanted him around
“Oh why oh why does no one like me”, he cried,
“I have a cool jacket and these shades on my eyes”
“Maybe that’s the problem”, whispered a shadow softly,
“You rely too much on appearance and that proves costly”
“What do you know shadow?” laughed the sad monkey,
“I don’t see you with friends, you’re alone like me”
“You can’t rely solely on your jacket and shades,
You have to have more to entice people to stay”
“So you’re saying that what I’m wearing now isn’t enough,
I should wear more?” The shadow responded with a huff,
“No I’m saying who you are as a person should be enough to attract”
“Man forget that, what if I wear this sweet stovepipe hat”
And with that the monkey adorned his head
With the stovepipe hat he stole off the dead
That night the monkey hit the town with force
And making instant friends with everyone and a horse
It finally happened, everyone finally loved him
But then something happened that stopped the elation
A thought snuck under the stovepipe hat to his brain
"Why is that all of these people’s feelings have changed
I’m the same person I was before but now with a hat
Is that the only factor that caused them to clap?”
That shadow’s words seeped into the monkeys mind
As he looked around a true friend he couldn’t find
“I finally got what I wanted but I still feel hollow inside
As hollow as this hat from which these friendships derived”
And with that the monkey left, leaving the hat behind
He sat on the curb and begin to cry
“I tried to tell you”, said the shadow as he appeared
“I know you did shadow, but what you said I feared,
I tried to come up with reasons why I’m alone
To blame anything other than myself I suppose”
“Well now you know”, said the shadow with the heaviest of sighs
“Do you want to be friends shadow?” monkey asked wiping tears from his eyes
“Not really, you were kind of a jerk to me earlier today”
And with that the shadow left leaving monkey say,
“So you see kids it doesn’t matter how much you try
You will always be lonely until the day you die”
Oreos are milk’s favorite cookie. That phrase has become a trademark for the popular cookie that has been around for several generations. Oreos are cookies that countless American families love and will continue to love, however in recent years Oreos have started changing and this change could cause the downfall of America as we know it.
First of all, obesity is not only a popular trend among many Americans; it is quickly becoming a growing epidemic. This epidemic carries with it many diseases and even death, but what is the cause of obesity? The answer is simple, Double Stuff Oreos. They are destroying America’s waistlines one calorie at a time. A normal Oreo cookie contains two cookies and an inner layer of crème; this amount of crème has been unchanged for generations. Just recently Americans have become bigger and thicker, and so has the crème in Double Stuff Oreos. Is this a coincidence you may ask yourself, the answer is a profound no.
America has witnessed historic events in the political field. Barack Obama has been elected President of the United States of America, which makes him the first African-American to be elected to the White House. Even though walls have been torn down and glass ceilings have been broken, this does not mean that racism will no longer plague this society. Oreos have always been a testament of race relations; they have been symbol of how black and white can work together to create something great. However, this interracial relationship has faltered in past years. Oreos have started using chocolate crème with chocolate cookies, not only does this destroy everything that activists have worked for, it also does not taste very good. Segregation is over; history has proved that it does not work and Oreo needs to realize this. These are trying times and everyone needs to come together, no matter what color they are on the outside.
In conclusion, Oreos have been apart of American society for a long time. They themselves are not negatively affecting this country, but the changes that are being made to them are destroying the basis of everything this country stands for. Oreos are more than just a cookie; they are a representation of the values that America was built upon. Change in itself is not a bad thing, but to change something that is perfect is a crime against humanity.
What is the meaning of life? What is the purpose of love? Is love the meaning of life? To have love is to have life? Or is the pursuit of love the meaning of life, but when we find it then what? Are we to hold it close? To cherish it? Or are we to dismiss it? To throw it to the side? Is love the one universal thing that binds us and bonds us no matter who we are or where we come from? But if that’s true then why do people treat love differently? Not everyone has the same view of love, what it is, how it feels, its importance in their daily life. I ask myself these questions sometimes, simply because I have never experienced true love. I have experienced many things, pain sorrow anger jealousy sadness, each one of those to the very brink of their respective emotional level, but looking back on my life I’ve never experienced true happiness, it makes me wonder if there is some correlation between love and true happiness, I assume it’s a yes, but how can one be sure until one experiences it on their own. In my attempt to find love I have found nothing but pain and sadness, some might say that it’s not worth it, that the only thing love will bring is more pain, but others say that the harder the journey the greater the reward, that the road to love is paved with jagged shards of broken hearts and lost souls and one must walk it alone to reach the end. I’m turning 21 next month, so many people just dismiss these questions and thoughts and simply say that I’m just a kid, I’m too young, I got my whole life ahead of me to worry about these things and to experience things like love, to just give it time, that I have plenty of time, why is age and time the answer? I was unaware that at my age I was unable to think and feel things that someone twice my age hasn’t had the brains nor the balls to discover. I might live another 80 years and on my 101st birthday I might know all there is to know about life and love and happiness or I might just be a wrinkly old man who sat around waiting for love to find me because I was continuously told that it would and that I just needed to give it time. Or I could die tomorrow. We are born into this world and raised to have all these hopes and dreams and goals and as a society we create so many imaginary brass rings that we as a collective unit and as individuals strive for and fight for and long for and we get so caught up in all of this that we don’t realize that each day we live is one less day of our lives. That’s the funny part about life, we instill in ourselves these hopes and dreams and we want them so badly that we hurt for them and our whole life is consumed with reaching them, we work constantly for them, it’s like we are completely ignorant to the fact that each day could be our last. So why are we waiting for tomorrow?